Couples Therapy
How can intuitive eating help when our partner or spouse is stuck in diet culture?
While intuitive eating provides effective tools to help us build healthy relationships with food and our bodies, I recommend an additional resource for difficult conversations with our spouses, partners, and loved ones. This framework, called non-violent communication, relies on stating our own feelings in response to an unwelcome remark or behavior, and then (this is the really empowering and change-making part) making a request.
Here are some examples that I’ve practiced with clients when speaking to…
The Judge
I feel hurt when you say, “Are you really going to eat that?” and I have a request that you don’t comment on what I eat or how much.
The Silent Bystander
I’m a lot happier now that I’m not constantly thinking about how to shrink my body and I have a request that you ask me about my experience because I want you to understand me better.
The Critic
I feel angry when you criticize and mock other people’s bodies, especially in front of our kids, and I have a request that you stop.
The set up is simple: I feel ___ when you ___ and I have a request that you ___.
How to prepare for your conversation:
Step 1
· Practice your statement.
· Imagine your spouse, partner, or loved one’s possible responses.
· Envision the best possible outcome of the conversation and how it feels in your body.
Step 2
· During the actual conversation, focus on staying calm and tuning into what you need in this conversation.
· If triggered, come back to conveying your feelings instead of making accusations or building your defense.
Community Shout Out
Have you ever heard of a Wild Writing Circle? I hadn’t until Lisa Fuller invited me to join one of her first circles back in 2021 and it changed my life. In our weekly circle, I rediscovered a part of myself that’s creative, outspoken, and desires connection. Lisa offers writing circles online and encourages us to leave behind the perfectionists inside us. Learn more and sign up here.
Dieting and diet culture wouldn’t make sense if we simply accepted that people come in all different sizes.
Virgie Tovar
